Journal of a randon person part 2 - fitting in

So being 22 years old, people will argue that I haven't lived long enough to say much about life. But the truth is that I have seen and done more than most people in their 40s have.
I had to grow up quite quickly as a kid. Because I did, I saw more than what kids my age did and experienced more than what many adults did.
A third of my life was spent in court and another third was spent defending my ass from bullies. The rest of it was spent day dreaming and sleeping. If that's all I was doing then how on earth have I experienced more than most?
              I learned a lot from being in court. Mostly that court was really boring. At 8 years old I spent a lot of time in one specific room made for just for kids. They made it like that so that the copper colored building wouldn't be so scary for the little people my age. I can remember that room so well that I could write a 3 part book just on the box of toys to the left of the room near the window.
This might have worked for other kids, but I just wanted to go home and watch TV. I couldn’t care less what it looked like.
Being in court was like the reality series Survivor. It was all about betrayal, lies and false trust.
For the next 6 years I would be moving back and forth from mom and dad; each parent trying to out-parent the other. If you read my first blog you would get where the "Roof zone" comes in.


I quickly adapted to my concrete surroundings and learned how to mess with lawyers, judges and social workers.
I found it quite amusing really.
I still find it amusing that kid could outwit the best bull shitters around. Even todai I still can’t stand lawyers and their nonsense. However if I want have a litttle fun or a laugh, I'll just argue with one.



Going through what I did, I had to learn how to cope with life. It was hard sometimes. So hard that eventually life just became one big joke. I couldn't take things seriously anymore because I didn't want to.
I mean why should I have?
I couldn't be comfortable with anything because it would just be taken away from me a few months later.
That’s when I started day dreaming. Man, those were the best. The world around me became amazing! Everything was amazing in my head and boy did time fly.
The best part was that I got away with it because teachers and other people felt sorry for me.
That was a part of my life that I could cope with.
            Unfortunately kids weren’t as nice as the teachers were. They couldn’t care less that the kid in the corner of the class was having a hard time; they were too self involved and young to understand. When they saw a kid, they saw something that was different from what they are. So naturally they tried to kick my ass.
Unfortunately for them I was just a little bigger than they were and well... they failed miserably.
But I still didn't want to fight anyone. I was all about the hunter and the hunted. But I didn't want to become a bully either. I just wanted to sit and goof off into my own world.
But it was still about the "food chain" and the other kids weren't about to let that happen.



By high school, I had a strong imagination and ticker that was running strong. I still couldn't give a shit about school, but I did want to start fitting in.
At first it was hard and I had some jackasses to contend with; but things were starting to change and I was adapting to the world around me.
The thing that really stood out most to me, that had always helping me cope was humour.
The best thing in the world to was is laughter. 
What was even better than that was seeing others laugh.
I would sit for hours watching the stand-up comedy of Bill Cosby, Barry Hilton, Richard Prior and other comedians.
Those guys made me happy man, and they made other people happy. If they could do it, then why couldn’t I?

I started telling jokes… and they laughed!
And for that they liked me...
For once I fit in like the other kids did. They really, really liked me....
I had what I wanted. I was top of the food chain. My strong imagination was helping me. All those years of goofing off. 
But I wasn't happy. There was something missing in my life. There was a big empty hole in the pit of my stomach and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't fill it.
It remained empty for some time and It got to me.
Why couldn't I fill this DAMN HOLE?

            It was until one day, in my final year of high school. I was doing my thing and making people laugh like a ussually do. But there was something... Something caught my attention. I should actually say someone caught my attention.
This empty hole in my stomach started filling up... with butterflies!
The feeling in my stomach was like nothing I have ever felt before.
Who was this person that suddenly made everyhing so different?
It was her.
She was new to the school and was listening to me talk crap about being a farm boy. Something I said made her laugh. It blew my mind.  At that very moment the world seemed to stand still and it didn't seem so bad.  The most beautiful thing in the world was standing in front of me.

And she was laughing at me...